Man meets woman or woman meets man. They have sex after a night of dancing or months of texting or flirting on social media or years of loving on each other. It only takes that ONE time, that one night of passionate love-making or rough sex to occur for a baby to be made.

9-months later, some will argue they were “trapped” others will say it was a mistake, but some will admit it was out of love that made the creation of another human being.

Although the statistics show that it takes an egg, that a woman produces that men cannot, and a sperm that a man can produce that women cannot, for a baby to be conceived, yet once the baby is born one parent has the option of whether or not they actually want to be included in that child’s life or they get to dictate when they are present in that child’s life.

When you look at it, it doesn’t make sense… that’s because IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!!! Nor is it fair to the other parent and the child.

Okay, now that that is out of the way, I can speak more candidly. Let me start by saying, although real men own their responsibilities and take care of their children, I find it soo attractive to see a man take care of his responsibilities. I know that offends some men because they are doing what they’re “supposed” to do; however that doesn’t seem to be a common trend.… unfortunately.

In this day and age, so many men are social media dads or material whores that I am convinced that they simply do not know what it takes to be an actual parent… Think of the parents you know who only know how to “raise” a child when money their money is “right” or the parent who only posts their child in labels, usually around Easter, Christmas, birthdays.. wait, we can’t forget about Thanksgiving and the trip to the living room plus the photo on instagram .. like their child wasn’t cute last week in the $3.88 top and pants from Wal-mart. Or the parent that only has the child on social media but NEVER in person (given the illusion they are an active father) Or the parents that ONLY feel comfortable around their child when THEY are doing better financially, what are you really teaching your child… what are you learning from yourself? …. Wait ladies you aren’t getting off the hook so easily because I see some of you doing this too, but back to the men.

The thing with men who neglect their responsibilities is that the mother is always there to pick up the slack which usually doubles her work load usually causing her more stress than the average person. A lot of men will coin their child’s mother as “bitter” and miserable when she finally gets upset after asking him for the tenth time to “help” with the shared responsibility. It aggravates him because we, as people, have set the tone in this generation that, men have the option of whether or not they want the responsibility.. (Mama’s Baby, Papa’s maybe) so when a woman asks a man to fulfill it, he feels as though she’s stepping out of line and being disrespectful. A man will get mad at a mother who asks him to send money in August for school because he already gave her $200 in June. Be cautious of the words men speak of their child’s mother, it tells a part of his story that he doesn’t want to admit, you just have to read between the lines. Most men will say that a woman is bitter because he doesn’t want to be with her in most cases, she’s stressed out bruh!

My message to men who are fathers if nothing else, make sure your child’s mother is straight. Maybe you didn’t want the baby, maybe your life isn’t panning out the way you envisioned it to be.. Maybe you simply just don’t know how to be a father (running away or being upset slows the process down by A LOT!) Understand that child still pumps your blood and is an extension of you. I used to think that in those cases where the dad is no good, God punishes the mother by sending her a child that looks just like him; however I am starting to think it’s moreso for the man.. how can you abandon you.. stop running from yourself and step up.

Even if you can’t provide, make sure your child’s mother is straight mentally and emotionally because she is who is left to raise your child in your absence. Would you rather her be broke and hurt trying to raise a child that will probably turn out hurt and angry or lively and happy? The mental health of a caretaker matters. If nothing else, make your child’s mother life easier. As long as it’s about the child: if you can’t help financially, be there (for the child) physically (although this should be a given, I know men who live around the corner from their child and won’t even go see their child). When the mother texts you about the child, respond in a timely manner. Check-in on the child and see what’s happening.

I fully understand that there are some bitter baby mother’s out here, but there are a lot that are not. Because you two went into this “agreement” when you decided to have sex, usually unprotected (YOU ASKED FOR IT), if nothing else, make sure your child is growing in a loving environment (with its mother).

Remember although it may seem as though the child isn’t aware of what’s going on because for some odd reason the absentee parent is usually the child’s favorite :/, it will eventually come full circle when the child is able to process and comprehend.

“In youth we learn. In age we understand.”

Don’t be that parent wishing you can make things right with your child when it’s too late.

 

With Love,

-Steph Crosley