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Stop Checking Your Mate’s Phone 2017

…How much do you trust your mate challenge?

 If your mate left their phone on the night stand, would you:

  1. Leave it respectively in the place they left it in.
  2. Pick it up and scroll through as much as you can before they walk back into the room.

When your mate’s phone goes off do you:

  1. Continue doing what you’re doing and mind your business.
  2. Look at their phone to see what exactly is going on. “Who’s texting US?”

When your mate’s phone goes off are you:

  1. Again, minding your business.
  2. Getting annoyed. Your mind goes to a different place thinking it just may be another person. Maybe a person you don’t want them to communicate with. Maybe a person they may be dealing with, or maybe you just don’t know who, but you don’t trust it.

As you are truthfully answering those questions, how much do you really trust your mate? Think about it. If you answered mostly “B’s”, you likely have trust issues within your relationship.

We use our phones for EVERYTHING. If at whatever point you feel something is going on outside of your relationship, the key is cracking the code on the phone; it’s like a gold mine, right? If you crack the code and go through every app in their phone, you’ll have all the answers you’re looking for, right?

Let’s take a moment and backtrack. You’re dating someone, or you are in a relationship with them (dating and being in a relationship is not interchangeable). Something goes on that makes you raise an eyebrow, and now you find yourself questioning things: Who they’re talking to? Why they came in the house 5 minutes later than usual? You find yourself paying more and more attention to their slightest behaviors. You ask them about it, they answer you. They may answer you as truthful as possible, but because it is not the answer you have already made up in your mind, you become more and more determined to prove that the little voice in your head is right. At this point, it is apparent that there is a slight (at the very least) mistrust in your relationship.

Their answer isn’t good enough for you, so you finally find time to creep through their phone and guess what???

YOU ARE GOING TO FIND SOMETHING!!!!

Not necessarily because there is actually something to find, but because you have already made it in your mind that there is something to find. You will make sure you find something!  You have tricked your mind into thinking the smallest thing is something big, because that is what you went looking for. Not only are you creating separation and tension between you and your partner, you may also be potentially damaging innocent, longstanding friendships that your mate has with genuine people. Because you have tricked yourself to believe that even those relationships are interfering with your relationship. That alone can cause resentment from your mate towards you. The thing is, they may stop talking to them temporarily to satisfy you, but they will eventually communicate with that/those people again, its human nature. In turn, they’re going to let you down.  

But now what?

You had doubt. You went through the phone. You found something (in your mind). You have two options, you’re either going to stay or go (maybe three options, third includes getting upset and taking a break for a while). Let’s weigh our options:

  1. If you stay, which most of us do anyways, you’re going to hold whatever you “found” against them, in every argument, just to justify your actions and to validate your mood…and it will slowly ruin you, and the relationship­­­­­. When you go through the phone and “find” something once, you’re going to most likely go through it again…and again…and again. It will become a cycle. Slowly you’ll become unhappy.
  2. If you leave, you’re going to question yourself every day “was it really worth it?” Was it really THAT bad? Some days you’re going to regret it. You may even find yourself reaching back out through your guilt, trying to make it work.

But I ask you this, if the trust is gone, will it really work?

Going through your mate’s phone is definitely a breach of trust, so I encourage you all to not do it- especially when there is ill intent. If you can’t talk to your mate as their significant other, much less as a human being, and TRUST their word, then maybe, just maybe, you need a break.

Also, just keeping it real, once you have reached the point of even feeling the need to go through the phone, arguably the relationship might already be over.

…Next time you go to pick up your mate’s phone, ask yourself “Do I trust my mate?” “Is it worth it?” and “Is this already over?”

 

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